Autogynephilia: men trapped in men's bodies

'Autogynephilia' is a long word built up from three short Greek words meaning 'self', 'woman' and 'love'. It refers to a condition in which a biologically male person becomes sexually aroused when he imagines being a woman.

I was introduced to this concept by an essay written by Dr Anne Lawrence, a post-operative transsexual who identifies herself as autogynephilic., and I've yet to find a better introductory account of it. Read it here, and also her Frequently Asked Questions page.

I'm not necessarily endorsing everything Dr Lawrence writes. For one thing, there has been much controversy over her views within the transgender community. For another, the path she has taken is the opposite to the one I have chosen (and I have no idea how she would react to the contents of this site). But there's no need to get into theoretical debates, nor, at this stage, to prejudge what is the best way of dealing with the condition. The point is simply to read her account of her own condition and ask whether you can identify with it.

Speaking for myself, after I had read it I could never again say to myself with complete conviction “I’m really a woman”.

How do you react on reading it? Can you identify with it? Or does it make you angry? If so, why?

Denial is a central feature of addiction. It seems logical to me to suggest that it may also be a powerful temptation for autogynephilic transsexuals. For as soon as we accept the fantasy of being a woman for what it is – as something we experience as men wanting to be what we are not, we have to accept that it cannot be realized. Whatever we do to our bodies, there is no escape from the people we are inside.

I certainly tried very hard to convince myself that I didn't fit the diagnosis of autogynephilia - for instance by inflating the handful of episodes from my childhood where I experienced transgender feelings into a biography in which I was 'really a girl' all the time.