Transsexual Anonymous

From transsexual to recovering sex addict: a different approach to gender dysphoria

Welcome to my website. I’m a transgender fantasy addict. I’ve created this site to share a message drawn from my personal experience – one that may not be relevant to very many people, but which I hope may be of life-changing, even life-saving, significance to those few.

In a nutshell, my story is this:

For anyone who identifies with my experience, my message is: THERE IS HOPE!

I suggest beginning by reading my story (link here). Then this link will take you to a guide through the rest of the material here.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Thinking about sexual orientation: so what if I fancy women?

However strong my transgender urges, I could never successfully hide from myself the fact that I was sexually attracted to women. There were two rationalizations I used to deal with this:-

1. OK, so I’m a lesbian. What’s the problem?

2. I don’t fancy having sex with men as a man, but wait till I’ve transitioned…

Let’s look at these in turn.

It’s true that plenty of women are lesbians, and there is no reason why TSs shouldn’t be too. The problem is one of statistics. There is a lot of disagreement about how many people should be considered homosexual, but 5% is probably a rather generous estimate of the proportion of women who are lesbian. On the other hand roughly 50% of MTF TSs are said to identify as lesbian. It’s an enormous difference! If you’re attracted to women it might mean that you’re a lesbian woman; the point is that as a simple matter of probability it’s much more likely to mean that you’re a heterosexual man.

There’s not the slightest evidence that any of the medical procedures involved in gender transition can produce an about-turn in sexual orientation. I have read accounts of TSs initially feeling uncomfortable with the idea of sex between men, but happily engaging in sex with male partners once they have transitioned. Speaking for myself, any such idea was simply a denial of reality. Consider this: as a sex addict I frequently had sex in sordid surroundings with individuals who I considered ugly and stupid, who thought equally little of me and were only interested in grabbing my cash and getting the sex over as quickly as possible. If my reason, my moral code, my aesthetic sense – or anything other than my sexual compulsion - had been in control, I’d have run a mile. If I’d fancied men, nothing could have stopped me having sex with them, but in fact I only ever had sex with women.

Imagine it is a fine summer Saturday afternoon, and you are walking down a crowded shopping street. Who are you noticing sexually? Listen to what’s going on in your underpants, not in your head! The answer tells you your sexual orientation, and I’m not convinced that any amount of hormone ingestion is ever going to change that. You may be fantasizing about being the women that turn you on, but that’s a secondary consideration - and in my case it's turned out to be something I could change.

What may be true is that if your testicles have been surgically removed and your body is no longer producing testosterone, and meanwhile you are ingesting female hormones, your sex drive will be dampened down to such an extent that you will be able to make a decision in your head to prefer male sexual partners. Is that what you want? I decided it wasn’t.


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